We figured that it would be a good idea to try some stuff out before we actually go and camp for 8 days (14 if you include each days either side). That’s why this weekend we drove to Thetford Forest and camped over night, then cycled near 70 miles to get back. The idea was to test as many aspects of the trip as possible, to see what could go wrong. The answer is quite a lot.
1st Issue - Wheel Department
After traveling half a mile, the first problem stuck. I noticed that after going over a bump, one of Matt’s front spokes had bent. After a frenzy trying to release the front wheel, we took it off completely and strapped it to the bike rack.
2nd Issue - Exhaust Department
After traveling a quarter of a mile after the 1st Problem, we encountered a rather more annoying problem. In short, the exhaust decided it had an itch that needed to be scratched, on the tarmac.
Edit: Ben - The exhaust was fine, the 400kg of baggage causing the suspension to bottom out was not. Other than this small issue that I may have overlooked the car was perfect!
3rd Issue - Ross Department
First of all, the lack of can opener contributed to the following “accident”.
We’ve decided that Ross should carry a public health warning, thus will be placing a small notice on his t-shirt. Not only did he set the pan on fire by pouring tomato juice onto searing hot oil, but then tried to put it out with water!
“The tin was not opened properly, so all the water came out in one go. Admittedly I should have let the oil cool down a little more. That pretty much covers it I think. Next time I’ll put some chili in because I feel it needed it. Will you stop writing down what I’m saying, end quote, right there. You’re (Woolie) an Idiot.”“Can we have a wok? Because woks are well good, everybody loves woks, I think you should get one. I’ve still got the poster. No, get rid of it. If you don’t stop typing what I’m saying I’m going to hang you from the ceiling by your genitals.”
4th Issue - Catering Department
Ross just had to continue his attempt to kill us by rubbing most of our food with raw meat. First of all, he cunningly put cooked sausages back into the packet that the sausages came out of (with all the raw sausage juice and everything. Thankfully I noticed and Matt supervised the re-cooking of the sausages so that we didn’t all end up on the shitter.
Next up, the following morning when cooking bacon, he put raw bacon straight into the pan with the bacon that had just been cooked (small pans).
None of this were “health risks” but still a little risky as we don’t want to be any more “raw” than the bike will already make us, if you get my jist.
“Woolie, you’re an idiot. All of it was in the pan for ages before it came out, so its not a problem. (shrugs). Ah, fucks sake (thumps Woolie). Stop typing… Stop quoting me, I’ll break your fingers off. The black pudding wasn’t great, are you sure that it said 6 minutes each side?”
5th Issue - Hygine Department
It was after the first cooking bit that we realised that we had no washing up goods, or anything to wash our hands with. This was a silly thing to forget as we had to go to Tesco to go get the stuff (along with a couple of beers).
“That’s got nothing to do with me, no, no you’re not. There’s no point in quoting me there, I’ve got nothing to say.”
6th Issue - Sleeping Department
Matt and I used the Tesco sleeping bags that came with our tent. This was a bad idea as it was rather chilly at 4 in the morning when I woke up shivering.
“Why is there a spatula outside my tent?”
“What are you wearing?”
7th Issue - Navigating Department
With a lack of sat nav, it was inevitable that Matt and I were going to get lost. This happened somewhere in Thetford (obviously we don’t know quite where as we were lost).
Edit: Ben - Luckily a quick phone call and some confirmation from Mrs Satnav ladyman set this straight.
“(silence) (shakes head)”
8th Issue - Inflating Department
Unfortunately, after 700 miles of puncture free goodness, I was destined to get a puncture on our trial run. Thankfully it was in a place called Milton (near Cambridge) from where we have a friend known to Matt as “BARRY!” who kindly drove out to us with a pump.
Moral of the story is, carry a pump.
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Matt
May 14th, 2008 at 10:27 pm
Awesome