Don’t Hit That!

No, it’s not what you think

Righty then, with all of the Woolie’s World team licensed up now, talk has recently turned to what cute and cuddly animals we’ve smushed with our wheels of justice on our travels, and what we’d rather avoid. Be it happy little bunnies, or mutated squirrels, or something that used to resemble a bird, we’ve seen it all…or have we?

Anyway, here’s a quick Woolie’s World guide on:

Don’t Hit That!

Firstly lets get it out the way that rabbits, squirrels, moles, hedgehogs, doves, and pigeons are all fair game and are “run of the mill” as far as roadkill goes, therefore I won’t mention them again. Lets just go straight to the top 8:

8. Pheasants

At number 8 we have the happy flappy pheasant that enjoys nothing better than flying straight at you, scratching up your ride, and then getting you in trouble with the police when you take the little bastard home and cook him.

Our recommendation: Travel in pairs and get your friend to pick up the tasty remains instead.

7. Foxs

Now I have nothing against foxes but after seeing this picture I had to shoot them all the way to number 7. This particularly stupid animal managed to fall into the front of this car, with the owner eventually realising what had happened when his car overheated and he ended up missing the start of an “Animal Hospital” special.

Our recommendation: Video or an equivalent digital format will mean you don’t miss your favourite program while waiting for your car to cool down.

6. Badgers

Badgers deserve to be on this list, and that’s because they are pure evil. Not only do these pesky creatures like to remove a good chunk from the underneath of your car, they also have the disrespect to stay very much alive and like to attack you when your busy gaffa-taping your front bumper back together again. Because badgers have been known to kill, this file photo will have to suffice.

Our recommendation: Attempt to avoid confrontation with badgers if at all possible.

5. Kangaroos

Now we are getting to the big players! Again, although kangaroos are particularly nice fluffy creatures, they are real bastards when it comes to sitting in the middle of roads waiting for cars to hit them. Due to their suicidal nature and relatively high mass, kangaroos bag 5th.

Our recommendation: Drive a truck around kangaroo infested areas…such as Australia.

4. Deers

My pet hate! If you hit one of these, its going to hurt. That and it’ll probably end up firing a pleasant mixture of guts, fur and possibly antlers through your side of the windscreen at very high speeds.

Our recommendation: Pack a cleenex or two to wipe the liver off your face.

3. Horses

Ok, now I thought hitting a deer was bad but this has got to be just a little bit worse. If the shards of windscreen don’t get you, half a horse is likely to do some damage, and don’t even mention filling out the insurance forms! Kebab, anyone?

Our recommendation: Warn horses that you are approaching by blowing your horn and flashing your lights, followed by increasing your speed to avoid prolonged exposure to horse.

2. Mooses

For the same reasons as the horse except this time the mofos got big-ass horn things as well! This particularly unlucky driver seems to have made himself quite the convertible, that’ll be nice for the weekends then won’t it!

Our recommendation: Join a religion that doesn’t believe in the existence of the moose, and stick with it till the bitter, gory end.

1. Fat Women

If you thought a moose would cause the most damage to your car, think again!

Our recommendation: Stay away from scary women!

What can I do to protect myself?

A damn good question, and naturally at Woolie’s World we have thought of everything. With a few minor modifications you too can make your vehicle totally safe from any form of animal attack!

Drive safe.