During a bored day in the Easter holidays a package was filled with goods, mainly fudge, and sent sent off to some scary people in the North (namely Josh). Read on why don’t you.

The Mission

Task: To pack the fudge, and send it.
Motive: I didn’t like the fudge.
Time-frame: A week, tops.
Courier: Royal Mail of course.
Budget: £1.

This was a very challenging and thought provoking mission. I knew that it would take precision and patience, but I was determined to succeed. The day started off as a normal post Easter day might. I casually took to opening a box of miniature heroes that sat on my desk. Nearing the closure of the day, it was clear the the supplies were getting low, and I was down to the shit sweets.
After a while, Cadbury Fudge was the only thing left. Although I quite like fudge, I can’t stand the miniature hero’s ones. Naturally, I was quite disappointed that I had inedible sweets left so I consulted Josh with my predicament. He exclaimed that he was rather partial to a bit of fudge now and then. As my charitable side was seeping at the time, I decided that I would help out a Northerner and send him some sugar (in the form of fudge). This is how it all came about you see.

Josh agreed to receive the package on the condition that it contained absolutely no seamen, whatsoever, not the slightest bit. Of course I confirmed that there would be no bodily fluids present. The game was now on. It was time to find some suitable material for the package. I had a flashback and remembered that I had purchased some padded envelopes from Tesco (£1 for 5, bargain). After brushing off the dust, I proceeded to check the envelope for bombs, or other dangerous substances that could have seeped in during it’s storage. Thankfully, it was clean. Now that I had a suitable container to pack the fudge in, it was time to find some other ingredients.

The Ingredients

When constructing a package to send up North, you must ensure that only essential items are placed in the envelope, and none that could cause bodily harm, or could be inhaled “accidentally”. It took me a long time to find the perfect mix of goods, and I created an invoice. Below are the goods sent:

• Cadbury® Fudge (mini)
• 5 Pence Piece (burnt)
• Dust-Off® Monitor Wipes
• Keyboard Key - F5 (burnt)
• Elastic Band
• Gift Voucher - £1 (Subway)

and the invoice…

After the ingredients had been finalised, I took a picture of the contents, printed the invoice, wrote Josh’s address on the envelope in big permanent marker, and sealed it with a bit of saliva (unfortunately as this would break the rule of no bodily fluids, I had to resort to using the sticky bits provided :(  ).

If you feel like seeing how the 5p was burnt, click here

*woosh* SEND PACKAGE TO JOSH! *woosh*

Feedback From The North!

It took a weekend for the package to arrive at Josh’s crib, but it appears to have arrived in good condition, and with all the fudge present. Because obviously he would rather not have the Mafia chasing after him, he has covered up his address (26 Weardale Crescent, Billingham, Cleveland, TS231BA) in the following picture.

Just to verify that the contents arrived in it’s sent condition, here’s the evidence!

Because the skiving bastard is still not at school, he caressed his pyromaniac side and followed in Woolie’s footsteps by burning the contents of my package! How dare he? His excuse is that he doesn’t like fudge! Yea, so I go send all my fudge up North and he decides he doesn’t like it! Bastard. Anyway, here’s the burning pictures.

For some reason, he was doing some MySpace bathroom whoreage and did this for us.