The Life of a Runner Bean

Working on the grounds that the runner bean grows in the ground (used that word twice), I have deducted that the runner bean enjoys a long and happy life…

This is until they get the hell boiled out of them by us horrible humans… Why do we do this? Why are we so cruel to our fellow beans? This must stop! We must fight the humans who try to spoil the poor, innocent, dangling lives of these runner beans. What did they do to you? Why do they deserve this torture?

I propose that we start a national runner bean amnesty. Everyone who feels strongly about this cause should deposit all their runner beans into a box provided by a few nice chavs (see, they do have hearts). These beans will then be taken to the birds eye factory where they will be frozen instantly to preserve their natural goodness. After this, Beans4Life will transport each bean over to a country where they will be cared for in the proper way, treated like equals.